Wine Review 3/17/2017

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Recently I had the pleasure of relishing a glass of HAUNER 2013 HIERA TERRE SICILIANE with three members of my beloved girl gang. The sensations and taste-trips that sprang from the first glass are noted in all their surrealness below. A side note: something about this wine made me jump from the self to the other  in ways other wines haven’t. A second side note: something about this wine makes me call out to the dear collective powers that are lager then my single life with a confused but wholehearted Thank You! This wine is amazingly delicious. So, like I said, omg. I have yet to meet a Sicilian wine like this. It’s so bright thousands of years of volcanic ash can dull not a single note. The first sip begins with a bright orange, tangerine infused, sticky, sugary film that I sense forming across my toes like a snow flake melting in reverse. Then the flavor held in my mouth creates a sensation that jumps to my heart, your heart, and the skin that stretches over this most wonderful, life giving, love shattering organ. This skin is touched and soothed and covered in the orange tinted, translucent, warm, sugary … read more

Wine Review 11/17/2014

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Arthur Earl, 2007,  Tempranillo, California Central Coast This wine has two sides; one side you meet in the street, the other side you meet behind closed doors. Though one side is more revealing, both are fairly discreet and full of mystery. The initial top notes of this wine walk me out into the middle of the street in a small, humid, central Alabama neighborhood.  I fill my mouth with the fruitful liquid and begin to feel the black pavement hot under my bare feet. The hot sensation moves up my legs and intensifies as it comes to a rusty, iron, gothic point under my tongue. I walk to the middle of the street. The tar that has been used to fill the cracks in the pavement is warm and malleable under my toes. My big toe and second and third toe curl around it and try to squeeze the soft material. My foot relaxes as I begin to swallow. I walk from the street towards the woods that seem to endlessly surround the neighborhood. Then something fills me up and I begin to run. I run into the woods and take a leap off a low bank and into a lake … read more

Wine Review 5/17/2014

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Aurthor Earl, 2007,  a genoux, Santa Barbra County This wine is a triple threat. It’s hot, smooth, and wild. Initially I feel it’s smoothness across my lips like a satin ribbon, though as soon as it hits the inside of my mouth a taste and temperature that reminds me of the hot soles of runner’s bare feet hitting black asphalt in the summer lands on my tongue. This wine is a hot one. Unripe lime tries to cool things off but it just raises the temperature adding a layer of evocative citrus and a sensation of bleaching sun to the mix. You may not believe what happens next, I mean, I don’t even really, but I begin to hear the voice of Mariah Carey and I am soothed by her highest high note and a back ground noise that sounds something like a sprinkler. Ch Ch Ch. But the sprinkler is not watering my throat with calming H2O, its dispensing Sprite across my soft pallet. The Ch Ch Ch Ch sound mixed with a clear sugary carbonated beverage activates my parotid nodes, which reminds me I have some errands to run. I taste the dryness and feel the absorption of … read more

Wine Review 9/17/2013

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The below wine review is in reference to a wonderful Merlot whose name is most likely made up of three syllables. I strongly believe the constants S and perhaps V have a prominent position within the name. The suffix may end in ing.  I apologize for not presenting the exact name of the wine with factual determination to accompany this review. I drank a most delicious glass, jotted down a few notes, then brought the bottle (before having transcribed the name from the label to a piece of paper) over to a friends house – where I left the bottle and where it was thrown into the recycling bin. It is most likely a 2008 or 2009 California Merlot. This bottle was purchased from Trader Joe’s. I have the happy and helpful TJ’s employees working on this guessing game for me. We haven’t found anything that fits all the clues just right yet. The case may be that the bottle I purchased was part of a trial or a limited time offering by Trader Joe’s. One thing I do know for sure: the label was black with silver Copperplate like text. Below you will find my review of this riveting and … read more

New York Art Book Fair at MOMA PS1

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Two of my wine reviews were recently published in The Kite. The Kite is a uniquely awesome art publication that features the writings and drawings of various artists. In issue 5 you can find contributions by Julien Ceccaldi, Meg Cranston, Tyler Dobson, Eve Fowler, Richard Hawkins, Charles Irvin, Oscar Tuazon, and myself.  On Friday Sept 20, join the party at 6 pm at the Ooga Booga booth in the New York Art Book Fair at MOMA PS1 and celebrate the release of great and unusual writing by great and unusual artists!

Wine Review 7/17/2013

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Last night I had the pleasure of dining with friends and sampling a wine made by the parents of one of my companions. Below is a review of my experience enjoying more then one glass full. Spillway Wines, 20011, Chardonel  Recession Wine, Missouri The wine at my lips is made from “Chardonel” grapes. The Department of Food Science at the University of Arkansas in Fayetteville, AR gathers that: ‘Chardonel’ is a late ripening white wine grape which can produce a high quality wine with varietal character. ‘Chardonel’ is distinguished by its superior wine quality combined with high productivity and cold hardiness superior to its acclaimed parent, ‘Chardonnay’. ‘Chardonel’ resulted from the cross, ‘Seyval’ x ‘Chardonnay’, made in 1953. Fruits were first observed in 1958 and the original vine was propagated in 1960 under the number NY 45010. In later testing it was re-named GW 9 (Geneva White 9) for ease of identification in cooperatively run yield trials. The vine was initially described as a vigorous and productive green grape with large clusters. That being said I must concur the flavor (if I may call it that) of this wine is completely unique. Once past the lips, a head filled with a pineapple Hawaii, sweet everlasting Grandpa, bare feet with tiny rocks under … read more

Wine Reviews 5/01/2013

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Below you will find two wine reviews of an unconventional nature. The reviews really function to share a bit of my synthesia with you; they don’t provide traditionally informative “reviews” of good, bad, or mediocre wine.  The thing is, I often receive sensory information relating to touch when I am actually tasting. This means tasting a certain wine will bring me into a kind of physical experience where I feel pressure, texture, and temperature on my skin, usually my face, though sometimes my legs and feet. It’s weird. Also bizarre is that I relate the pressure, textures and temperatures to objects of a certain material quality like: normal temperature metal or warm fabric. These objects will embody the weight and pressure I am experiencing. For example the fabric will equal light traveling pressure or a metal will equal a heavy fixed pressure. The relating happens in my mind and I don’t know what else to do with it but invite you to read my descriptions of one kind of sense impression via words that you might expect to be normally used to describe another.  Les Portes de Bordeaux 2009, Available at Trader Joe’s. The first sip of this wine made … read more

Wine Review 5/25/2013

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Schloss Biebrich Sekt Dry Sparkling White Wine available at Trader Joe’s So tonight I am sipping one of my favorite cheep bottles of sparkling dry white wine from Germany: Schloss Biebrich Sekt . As I take a concentrated sip of this bubbly, fizzy liquid that moves unlike a liquid and more like a gas made out of a fabric like chiffon, my taste buds feel the texture of a bright yellow, summer ripened dandelion. My taste buds start to picture the dirt underneath the grass that covers a big, up-close hill. I am reminded of chewing on the ends of sour grass (that flower/weed with a yellow bloom and a sour tasting stem) as a kid, and as an adult. Then a middle flavor reminds me of the feeling of an athletic fish jumping out of the water in the early morning sun light and splashing salty- fresh-water on my upper lip. Kinda yucky. But I feel really alive. I’m in a canoe and I’ll keep sipping.